


Home away from home

by yoongimins



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Bullying, Cheese, Fluff, Gay, High School AU, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mild Language, Underage Drinking, samhwi, slight angst, they're just little boys, this is so cheesy and bad but i was craving some samhwi cute stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2018-12-23 02:51:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11980524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoongimins/pseuds/yoongimins
Summary: He can’t help but stare at the older boy, slowly coming to his senses. He fears he’s no longer at the shallow end of the pool. As he keeps drifting towards the deep end, his feet can no longer touch the bottom of the pool. It’s too deep for his feet to reach and Samuel can’t swim





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hellooooo!! i've been gone for a long time, but i've been working on this little project for a while. I hope someone will take enjoyance from this!
> 
> /crossposted to aff and wattpad/

Daehwi avoids him like the plague. Either way, Samuel always finds his way to him. 

_

It’s not easy being a minority. It’s not easy being a minority in a small town in Oregon, and it sure isn’t easy when you’re gay. And Korean. 

Daehwi likes to call himself a super minority

His mother had always told him, he was going to be alright. That the U.S was a whole lot more accepting than Korea. He believed them, hell, he still does. Still, he had not expected what he got, when he arrived here 5 years ago. 

Daehwi finds himself adjusting quickly, learning English like it’s nothing and quickly finding friends to play with. At his preteens, Daehwi was at his happiest, and he likes to believe that at sixteen, he still is. 

For Daehwi, life in Winston, OR, is relatively plain and boring, (Just like the chicken they serve in the school cafeteria) so he enjoys spicing it up a little bit by being himself. Getting older, Daehwi finds out a bunch of things about himself. One of those things being that he is gay, so instead of being ashamed of it, he embraces it. He’s somewhat out at school, but of course he doesn’t avoid the comments that follow of not being ashamed. 

He deals with it. Daehwi deals with it, because he’d rather be highkey and proud than lowkey and ashamed.  
_

“Have you seen the new kid?”

Daehwi turns his head at the voice of his friend. “You haven’t?”, she asks her eyes wide. They shake their heads, and Daehwi lets out a chuckle.  
“Oh god, he’s so hot, I can’t”, Justine exclaims burying her face in her hands. She’s most likely being her hysterical self once again, Daehwi thinks to himself.  
“He can’t possibly be hotter than this”, Daehwi says pointing to himself, puckering his lips. “Uh, sorry Daehwi, but this once I’m gonna have to disagree”, Justine says dramatically.  
“Impossible”, Daehwi mutters under his breath.  
They walk towards their homeroom class, and as they step into the classroom, the bell chimes signalling for them to go find their seats. 

For some reason, Daehwi finds himself fiddling with his fingers. As much as he does not want to admit it, the guy Justine had spoken off had really piqued his interest.  
He watches the door carefully, and when their teacher comes walking in with a boy on tow, Daehwi feels his breath getting stuck in his throat. 

Justine hadn’t lied. He is so hot, and so much hotter than himself.

He looks over at Justine who is alternating her looks between the boy and Daehwi himself. The teacher signals for the boy to introduce himself, and he goes to the front. 

“Uh, my name is Samuel Kim. I just moved here from Los Angeles”, he says, obviously nervous. The statement seems to satisfy the teacher and tells him to go sit down next to Marcus. 

“Marcus, you’ll show Samuel around and help him get all his books, right?”, the teacher proposes. Marcus nods in confirmation and greets Samuel quietly as he goes and sits next to him.  
The class starts and Daehwi can’t seem to keep his eyes away from the boy.  
_

Daehwi is walking the halls with his friends. Putting one foot in front of the other, he is determined to get to the cafeteria and eat something. He had gotten late out of bed this morning and didn’t get a chance to eat any sort of breakfast.  
To Daehwi, the unseasoned chicken seems like it’s the most appetizing thing in the world. He’s walking ahead of all of his friends, desperate to just eat something. They get to the cafeteria, and he is nothing less but delighted to see that the queue for the cafeteria quite hadn’t grown its usual full size.  
Daehwi and his group of friends get in the line, securing their rights to eat. They get in the queue and the talk amongst them begins. 

“I can’t believe that guy is in our class”, Alex beams, her eyes wide.  
“Right? I can’t believe someone like him.. is going to our school”, Justine says excitedly. Daehwi is left with a slight blush and his best friends seem to notice it instantly.  
“What do you think, Daehwi?”, Tiffany asks, a smug expression spread across her face.

“Uh.. I guess he’s kinda cute”, he says, his words coming across as more of a question.  
“Kinda?”, Justine asks.  
“Okay, maybe not kinda. He’s like.. really hot”, Daehwi says giggling, getting redder and redder by every word he speaks.

“Cute.. But I saw him first, and besides.. he’s probably not even gay”, Justine says.  
“You can’t just claim him”, Daehwi says crossing his arms.  
“But I saw him first?”, Justine says, placing a hand on her hip. Daehwi opens his mouth to speak, but he is cut off by Tiffany. 

“Why don’t we just go rock, paper, scissors on this one?”, Tiffany says hesitantly stepping in between them, wanting to avoid any conflict between her two friends. 

“Sure, sounds fair”, Justine says and narrows her eyes as she goes into battle position. So does Daehwi, his look becoming deadly. 

“Rock, paper, scissors shoot”, they say in unison. A HA! emerges from Justine as she picks paper and defeats Daehwi, who thought he could beat her with rock.

“No, I don’t care about this. I’ll do whatever I want”, Daehwi says crossing his arms. Any further conflict is avoided as they move up the queue to get their food. As he gets food loaded onto his plate, he is for some weird reason disappointed that they’re not serving the unseasoned, dry chicken today. Instead, he gets a slice of pizza and an apple. 

Maybe it’s because he had set his mind to it so much. The thoughts are though gone as he sits down and let his teeth dig into the pizza that is slightly better than the chicken anyways. 

Alex, Justine and Tiffany join him at the table. As they do, he sees Samuel stepping into the cafeteria. He is walking with Marcus and Daehwi finds himself getting a tiny bit disappointed.  
He quickly turns his gaze somewhere else. 

They eat their food in silence, and he finds himself fighting a war inside his head.  
He has barely even seen the new kid, but this sucks. Oh my god, this sucks, Daehwi thinks to himself. Any chance of befriending him has been completely abolished all because of who the teacher had pointed him out to follow for the day. 

Daehwi glances over at Samuel and Marcus chatting. He’s having fun and it somehow makes him really bitter. 

He doesn’t realize that he has been staring before Samuel turns to look at him. Daehwi quickly looks away and tries his best to engage in the conversation his friends were having.  
_

“And my brother was like; Bitch, I can get my dick sucked all i want”, Matthew exclaims. Daehwi looks at him, an eyebrow pointed. 

He glances over at Alex who is close to bursting out in a laugh. 

“My brother is so awesome”, Matthew says which results in his friends laughing and fist bumping.  
Daehwi’s face merges into disgust and he opens his mouth. 

“Now Matthew, as of right now, my fat cat can eat your brother”, Daehwi says playing with his fingernails, his eyebrow still pointed  
Matthew narrows his eyes. 

“Shut the fuck up fag”, he says, his voice drenched in a certain venom. His words do nothing but make Daehwi chuckle and he turns around to continue doing his school work.  
Daehwi’s reaction results in some of Matthew’s friends having to hold him back. Daehwi smirks to himself, knowing the effect he has. 

He loves not giving a fuck.  
The teacher walks back inside the classroom, and the extremely intelligent conversation going on right in front of him, seems to die down.  
He thanks jesus for that. He almost couldn’t hear his own thoughts. 

After a little while class ends and Daehwi sighs in relief. Finally he can go home.  
_

Samuel had been nervous, but as far as his day is going right now, it seems he worried for close to nothing.  
Marcus is nice enough and they surely enough become comfortable with each other.  
“Show me your schedule”, Marcus says and holds his hand out for him to place the flimsy piece of paper in. 

He hands it to him and Marcus’ eyes scan over the page. 

“Alright.. seems we have most classes together”, he says and sends him a little smile. Samuel smiles back, and feels relief going to his fingertips. 

The bell rings and they start walking to lunch. On their way, Marcus points to various places and adding small explanations the everything. Samuel forgets, though. He always does. 

They get to the cafeteria and they go get their food. They sit down and after a moment of silence, Marcus speaks up. 

“Okay, so I guess now is a good time to kinda introduce you to the people you’ll be having a lot of classes with”, he says. Samuel nods and Marcus’ explanation begins. 

“That’s Matthew. Kind of an idiot, but he’s fun at times. But, still a dickhead”, he says pointing to the guy laughing with his friends. Samuel nods along. 

“That’s Tiffany. She’s alright, kinda quiet I guess, but she won’t bother you too much”, he says pointing to a short haired girl sitting with two other girls and a boy. 

“That’s Alex. Super annoying. I wouldn’t recommend you talk to her. Tries to be edgy, but she’s really not”, he says pointing to one of the other girls. 

“That’s Justine. She’s alright, not much to say there, but I think she digs you”, Marcus says smirking a bit and Samuel chuckles nervously. “Probably not..”, Samuel says shyly. 

“And then there’s of course.. Uh.. Dae.. Daehwi”, Marcus says, struggling to pronounce the name. “I fucking never learned to pronounce the name, and I hope I’ll never have to. He’s some dude from Korea, who just has a big mouth. Wouldn’t recommend for you to speak with him”, Marcus says. Samuel points his look to him, and he laughs slightly as he sees Daehwi quickly looking away. 

“Looks like he also digs you”, Marcus says laughing.  
“What, is he gay, or?”, Samuel asks laughing.  
“Oh, so fucking gay. It’s so annoying”, he says laughing and Samuel has no choice to laugh with him. 

“Lastly we have Jason. He’s cool, unlike some of the other people here..”, Marcus says. Samuel nods along.  
“But I hope that was helpful”, Marcus says.  
“Oh, very helpful”, Samuel says laughing and flashes a toothy grin. Marcus goes back to eating and so does Samuel, leaving the two boys in complete silence, only the background chatter surrounding them.  
_ 

It’s turning cold outside. Daehwi discovers this walking back on the way from school. Snow was falling steadily from the sky and Daehwi smiles to himself.  
He likes snow. It makes everything brighter and it makes him feel better about drinking hot chocolate every day. 

Daehwi gets to his house and he finds his mom and another woman chatting at the entrance of their home.  
Hesitantly Daehwi makes it up the stairs and greets the lady. She smiles at him warmly and Daehwi gets caught off guard as the lady starts talking to him in Korean. He hadn’t heard anyone speak Korean besides his mother and his little brother for god knows how long. 

He scrambles a bit to do a bow. An action that he hasn’t done in a long time.  
“This is Mrs. Kim. She just moved in down the street with her husband and their son”, Daehwi’s mother explains. Daehwi makes a sound of understanding and smiles at Mrs. Kim. 

“My son started at your school. You may have met him?”, she asks. Daehwi’s eyes widen as realization hits him hard. 

Oh. 

“Oh.. Samuel? Yeah, he’s in a lot of my classes”, Daehwi answers politely before excusing himself. He nearly trips up the stairs and tumbles into his room, shutting the door with a loud sound. 

He takes out his phone, quickly pulling out the group chat with his three girlfriends. 

[3.43 pm] Daehwi Lee: guys you’ll never guess what has happened

[3.43 pm] Tiffany Miller: hmmm you got a boyfriend

[3.44 pm] Daehwi Lee: honestly that’s not too far off

[3.44 pm] Justine Smith: WAIT WHAT

[3.44 pm] Daehwi Lee: samuel moved in down the street

[3.45 pm] Alex Johnson: holy shit dae get it

[3.47 pm] Justine Smith: dae when can i come visit

Daehwi finds himself smiling like crazy. He spams the group chat with emojis to show off. He almost laughs to himself, knowing what Justine’s face must look like right now.  
_

“You’ll be pairing up for this assignment”, the teacher announces. Daehwi feels everything nearly crashing down. Of course. Of fucking course. 

“I’ve already made the groups, so there’s no need to worry”, she exclaims. 

Great. Grand. Amazing.

“Daehwi and Matthew, you’ll be pairing up. Mark and Alex, Samuel and Tiffany”, she goes on. This was just amazing.  
He can already feel Matthew’s burning eyes at the back of his head. He is tempted to turn around throw some spiteful remark at him. He holds back, though. No need to make this worse than it already is. 

“The presentation needs to be ready tomorrow, so please concentrate”, she ends and that is where Daehwi turns around to face what might be the worst week of this month. 

“Okay, let’s get this over with”, Daehwi says with a sigh. Matthew stays silent, looking at him his eyes drooping in an annoyed manner. 

At the sight before him, Daehwi accepts that he is on his own on this one. 

It’s only twenty minutes into the lesson, when he realizes how screwed he is. He knows only the most essential things about American history, and Matthew is to no help in any way. Daehwi kisses the thought of an A in history goodbye as he starts writing down what they are to say at the presentation. 

The rest of the lesson goes by painfully. Matthew is on his phone the whole time, and as Daehwi tries to engage him in the assignment, he is met by some sort of slur. 

He guesses Matthew holds grudges.  
_

“I can’t believe he’s your neighbour”, Justine says as she starts eating.  
“Honestly, me neither. It’s stressing me out”, Daehwi says with a sigh and takes a bite of the dry chicken.  
“Stressing you out? Girl, you’re living next to the hottest guy in school. If anything, you should feel blessed”, Justine says matter of factly.  
Daehwi can tell from the tone of her voice that he has little to no say in this discussion.  
They stay quiet for a little while. 

“So how’re you guys’ history thing going?”, Tiffany asks. Daehwi groans.  
Alex chuckles.  
“Matthew, huh?”, she says smiling nudging his ribcage with her elbow.  
“Seriously, death seems like a better solution right now”, he says and pouts. “Aww, don’t think like that”, Alex says with bright smile and wraps her arm around Daehwi and pets his hair.  
“I agree.. It’s kinda difficult”, Tiffany says. Her words are met with protest.  
“Honey, you don’t get a say in this. You’re in a group with Samuel for god’s sake!”, Daehwi says and gets out of Alex’ soft hold and holds a pointed a finger against her. Tiffany laughs at the remark and goes back to eating. 

_

The second day had been a lot better for Samuel. He had met Jackson and William, two bright guys that were easy to talk to.  
On the second day, he already feels like he somewhat belongs. 

He’s walking down the hallway with Marcus, Jackson and William. They’re talking about one the girls in their chemistry class. Samuel pretends to not listen, but has his ear pointed to them in great interest. 

“Trust me Sam, she’s kinda hot”, William says excitedly and smiles. Samuel smiles at the nickname. 

“Well, I guess that gives me a reason to be excited for chemistry”, Samuel says and smiles slightly. Laughter spreads among the group of boys. 

They get to the chemistry classroom. They go inside, only to find their chemistry teacher to be preparing for the lesson.  
The group of boys go sit down at one of the table groups and they continue speaking. 

“I’m having a party on saturday”, Jackson announces smugly.  
“What? How?”, Marcus asks, his eyebrows furrowed. 

“My parents are out of town. I made my brother buy some stuff for us”, Jackson says. His words are sounding like they’re part of some master plan.  
Samuel knows it’s anything but that, but he plays along anyways. And says something stupid. 

“I’m in”, he says, no hesitation even grazing his tone slightly. Jackson stand up and looks at Samuel like he’s proud of him in some way. 

“Sam, new guy, I like you”, he says and points at him. 

“We’re in as well”, Marcus says and refers to all of them. “Nice!”, Jackson exclaims and seats himself again.

Class starts and as the other students start to walk in the door, he is sure who the other guys have been talking about.  
“That’s Emily”, William whispers in Samuel ear. He finds himself with his mouth slightly agape and nods absentmindedly as he follows her movements carefully with his eyes. He looks over at his new friends and he finds them looking at him with a smirk.

“What?”, Samuel mouths and the boys try with their horrible acting, to act like they weren’t urging him for a reaction. 

One thing was for sure. He is going to fail chemistry because of that girl. With that thought, he settles himself comfortably and turns his eyes to her and her beautiful frame.  
_

Daehwi finds himself walking home once again. Music is loudly filling his head to the brim, and he walks to the rhythm. He gets to the front of his house and smiles to himself in some sort of relief. He goes to his mother in the kitchen and greets her with a warm hug.  
He notices his mother’s big cooking project, making a mess on every possible surface in the kitchen space. 

“What’s all this?”, he asks.  
“The Kim’s are coming over for dinner”, she announces. Daehwi’s eyes widen for what seems like the millionth time over these two days.  
Daehwi nods and almost successfully escapes the kitchen. 

Keyword: Almost. 

“Daehwi-honey, please behave”, she nearly pleads him.

Those words translate into: Daehwi-honey, please don’t act gay and embarrass us tonight.

Daehwi groans and confirms he’ll be behaving before disappearing upstairs. He closes the door and empties out his bag. The contents make him sigh.  
He still has that history thing to finish. He gets right to it. 

He places himself on the floor and starts making the flashcards and the nice little collage.  
He doesn’t realize the time that passes, before he can hear the sound of the doorbell chiming through the whole house.  
He jumps in surprise, and he takes this as his cue to stay in his room for as long as he can. This doesn’t go very well for him as he hears his mother’s voice penetrating the walls of his home. 

“Daehwi, food!”, she yells and he gets on his feet, mentally preparing himself for what is to meet him beyond those stairs that go downstairs. 

Carefully he makes his way down the stairs, cringing to himself as he hears the creaking of the stairs fill the space. He can hear chatter filling the room, and he takes one more deep breath before stepping into the living space. 

He’s met with the sight of Samuel and his little brother sitting on the couch, chatting about something that to Daehwi is too distant at the moment. 

He sees his mother talking to two unknown faces. These people must be Samuel’s parents. His mother looks fully Korean, fully engaging in a conversation with his own mother in Korean. The man accompanying her, tries his best to be in the conversation. The father looks somewhere between white and latino. Daehwi couldn’t really tell, though. 

“Oh, Daehwi! I’m happy you decided to join us”, Daehwi’s mother announces in Korean, making everyone turn their attention to Daehwi’s awkward frame standing in the middle of the living room.  
He feels Samuel’s eyes examining him carefully.  
Daehwi’s mother announces for them to go sit down, so they do. 

Daehwi sits down at his usual spot. On his left side, Minjun (his little brother) and on his right side Samuel.  
He lets himself look over the table that is filled with Korean dishes. 

“Ah, mom, it’s been a long time since we’ve eaten this Korean”, Daehwi says in English, his chuckle shining through his speech. 

His mother simply smiles at him warmly and announces for everyone to start eating. Daehwi reaches out for one of the side dishes, but his hand is quickly swatted away by his mother. He directs his sight to her and sees her glaring eyes.

“Guests first, Daehwi”, she says sternly. He instantly retracts himself and sits back with a deep blush on his face. He watches as the guests pick out their side dishes, and he finds himself waiting until the very last person has started eating. By that time, he can practically feel drool hanging from the crook of his mouth. 

He starts eating and he swears he has never felt this satisfied in his life. 

Chatter starts spreading around the table, but Daehwi finds himself immersing in nothing of it, just stuffing his mouth with food. That is until he feels a tap on his shoulder.  
With his mouth full of rice, he turns to the interest and looks it right in the eyes.  
Of course it’s Samuel sitting there, smiling sweetly at him. 

Daehwi’s eyes are once again abnormally wide as he sits there, mouth stuffed to the brim with various foods. He most likely looks more like a hamster, rather than a human. 

“So, when did you first come to America?”, Samuel asks. His cali-accent is evident in the way he speaks. Daehwi finds it adorable. 

He chews the food in his mouth and covers his mouth as he politely answers Samuel’s question. 

“It’s been five years. How about you.. uh.. have you always been here?”, he asks, trying not to sound nervous. Samuel nods.  
“Yeah. I’ve been in Korea a couple times for vacation, visiting my mom’s family and stuff”, he says slightly nodding as he speaks. 

“I see.. Why did you guys move to Oregon? I mean.. because it’s kinda stale in comparison to California”, Daehwi says slightly chuckling. He feels himself gaining more and more confidence as he speaks. 

“For my dad’s work. I wasn’t really that happy about it, but as it seems I’ve found some pretty good friends and stuff”, Samuel announces. Daehwi nods. 

“You’re hanging with Marcus and those guys, right?”. Samuel nods.  
“Then I bet they told you some real nice stuff about me, right?”, Daehwi says bitterly. Samuel finds himself looking down into his lap. 

“I mean, you decide if you want to listen to them. Just gotta warn you, most of the time, they’re full of shit”, Daehwi says. His words makes Samuel chuckle.  
“You don’t need to tell me that. I’ve kinda figured. They’re fun to be with though”, Samuel says and defends his position. Daehwi nods in understanding. 

There’s some silence between the two of them, leaving only the adult’s chatter to fill the room.  
Daehwi then decides to initiate a topic. He instantly regrets it. 

“So, you’ve found any cute girls you like?” Daehwi asks almost awkwardly. Samuel lifts his eyebrow at the relatively bizarre question before answering. 

“I mean, I’ve only gone to the school for like two days.. but there’s this girl in my chemistry class”, Samuel says. 

“Emily?”, Daehwi asks. Samuel’s face turns to wonder. 

“How’d you know?”, he asks.  
“Literally everyone crushes on her. Even my friends do”, Daehwi says with a little chuckle.  
“Oh..”, Samuel says and rubs the back of his head awkwardly.  
“But I understand. She’s really pretty”, Daehwi says smiling. Those words seem to do it for Samuel and he gently smiles back.  
_

It’s the next day. Daehwi has just presented his and Matthew’s project. Of course Matthew had chosen to stay at home. Not that it really mattered though. Daehwi could give less than two shits about it. 

After everyone has presented, the teacher makes time to announce something.

“On friday you guys are going on a field trip to Portland”, she announces. Most of the students erupt in a subdued cheer, happy to be doing something alternative to the mundane days at the school. 

She starts handing out papers to every student.  
“I will need your parents to sign this, for us to bring you. If you don’t have this when you get here on friday, you won’t be getting on the bus with the rest of us. Even though I may say this, this is still obligatory. It’s part of the curriculum”, she says. 

Daehwi gets the pamphlet put on his table. 

We’ll be going home from Portland Saturday, 8PM  
“Miss, it says we’ll be going on saturday?” one of the female students say.  
“That’s correct”, the teacher confirms.

“Fuck!”, Jackson exclaims, banging his fist into the table.  
“Excuse me?”, the teacher words. She tilts her head.  
Jackson retracts into his seat, and plays with his hands. 

Two whole days with his history class? Now this was going to be interesting.  
_

Daehwi shows up at school, the signed paper from his mom, his backpack with clothes and a sleeping back. He is about as ready as he can be. He goes to the bus, and he sees a couple of students lining up with the teacher. He tells the teacher hello, before handing her the signed paper. She smiles at him and tells to load his things in the luggage part of the bus. He does so and steps into the bus. He already sees his friends sitting together, and he sighs as they’re all already sitting with someone. He tells his friends hello before getting in one of the empty rows. 

When Samuel gets there, his friends are all seated with someone. Jackson with Marcus and William with Matthew. He looks around and nowhere else has an empty seat. Well everywhere besides next to Daehwi. He smiles a bit to himself as he goes to the empty seat. He sees Daehwi looking into his phone, deeply immersed in something. 

“Can I sit here?”, he asks and Daehwi looks up at him, those puppy eyes being extra puppylike due to the early morning.  
Daehwi stutters a bit. 

He couldn’t believe it. Was Samuel Kim really out here, asking him if he could sit next to Daehwi Lee for a whole four and a half hour ride? He almost believes he’s dreaming. 

“S-sure..”, he says and moves some of his extra stuff from the vacant seat, making space for Samuel to situate himself. 

The teacher steps into the bus and makes an announcement. 

“I hope you guys are ready! We’re leaving now, so get comfy. We’ll be in Portland in five hours or a little less. Enjoy your time away from school”, she says with a joking tone to her.  
Daehwi breathes in, trying to evaluate the situation properly.  
He can feel Samuel’s heat radiating onto him, their shoulders slightly touching.  
It doesn’t take long for Daehwi to realize that he has taken this crush too far, but he really couldn’t help it. He really liked Samuel. 

He looks over at his friends that are in the row opposite of him and Samuel. They’re all looking at the two of them with smug smiles, not caring if their expressions could lead to any sort of misunderstanding between the two boys. 

The bus ride goes along steadily. Daehwi finds himself staring out the window, the Oregonian landscape not any more interesting than the abundance of trees lining the road.  
He finds himself getting bored quickly. He’s left to his own thoughts for a while, until he feels a tap on his shoulder.

He turns his head to look at Samuel, who is sending him a little smile, holding forth an earbud.  
“You wanna listen with me?”, he asks. Daehwi swears he has never been this thankful. If it wasn’t for him, he would’ve died of boredom. 

“Sure”, he says and takes the earbud and stuffs it into his ear. The soft sounds of D (half moon) by Dean starts playing into his ear and he smiles to himself. 

So this is the kind of stuff Samuel likes? 

“I love this song”, Daehwi says and smiles. Samuel sends a smile his way.  
“Me too. Kinda makes me proud to be Korean”, he says with a little chuckle. His chuckle makes Daehwi and it feels like he could stay in this moment forever. 

He loves how Samuel is comfortable enough with him to start sharing things such as his music. Daehwi feels honored.  
They both hum along to the words. It feels a little special, their hands brushing ever so often. The words are words that only the two of them understand. It was like a little secret world in the middle of the chaotic sophomore high school class.  
_  
Daehwi is awakened by a soft shake of his shoulder. He sits up immediately, looking around. He’s dazed and a little confused as he rubs his head.  
“Huh…”, he says looking around.  
“We’re here”, Samuel says smiling at him slightly. Daehwi looks out the window and finds them to be surrounded by trees. He sees a hut. 

He gets up and gets out of the bus with the rest of his class. He goes and gets his luggage and walks with the other classmates to the front.  
Their teacher welcomes them and tells them to get settled. “We’ll leave for the city in an hour, so use your time to stretch your legs and get settled. Now, let me show you where you’ll be sleeping”, she says and opens the door to the cabin. 

The cabin is big and roomy and features a common room, kitchen and lots of bathroom space. She shows them upstairs.  
“To my left, all boys will in there and to the right, we have the girl’s sleeping hall”, she says.  
Everyone makes sounds of confirmation and heads to each their corners. Daehwi steps into the boy’s room. It’s big and roomy and features several mattresses that are stacked on top of each other. 

For the sixteen year old boys, they find it hard to refrain from running around in the large area. Daehwi just stays relatively calm and goes to grab on of the mattresses. He takes one from the very top of the stack and puts the mattress in a corner close to a power socket. No fucking way he was going to be sleeping close to the boys who used to pester him (and sometimes still do) on a daily basis. He starts unpacking, carefully looking over the things he packed. He sighs in relief as he finds out he is lacking nothing. 

He plays some games on his phone before heading downstairs to be met by Tiffany, Justine and Alex looking like they were actually waiting for him.  
They’re still all wearing that smug smile from before.

“So.. what happened back on the bus?”, Justine asks with a smug smile.  
“Nothing, we listened to some music.. and I think I fell asleep”, Daehwi says rubbing the back of his head.  
Alex snorts at his remark.  
“You think you fell asleep? Bitch you’re an ugly sleeper, I can tell you that much”, she says laughing.  
Daehwi stops in his tracks. Him? Ugly sleeper? Then that’d mean…

“Oh my god, did Samuel have to look at me sleep and shit?”, Daehwi asks sounding a bit panicked.  
“Even better”, Alex says with a smirk and proudly shows Daehwi a picture on her badly lit phone screen.  
The photo had Daehwi, with his mouth slightly agape, leaning on Samuel’s shoulder. Samuel is also asleep, but his features look relaxed, cute even.  
Daehwi covers his face. “Fuck, that’s so embarrassing”, Daehwi groans.  
“Shut up Daehwi, it’s kinda cute”, Tiffany goes and punches his shoulder lightly. They decide to drop the subject and leave for the bus.  
_

They’re on the bus, on their way to Portland city. Daehwi feels a lot more at ease, being situated next to Tiffany, who is happily sharing her music with him. They chat with each other quietly, both of them dreading the boring museum tour coming up for them, as soon as they reach the city centre of Portland. 

After what feels like 30 minutes, the bus arrives in front of a big, formal looking building. Daehwi had been to Portland before, but he had never seen this place. 

They’re all ordered to get out of the bus, and line up so that they all can walk in together. They do so, but nothing about any of the student’s looks in their faces, makes anyone believe that this will especially exciting for anyone.

They walk inside and they’re met by a guide. Daehwi’s hunch had been correct. This was going to be so boring.  
_

After two hours of a guided tour around a place Daehwi holds no interest for, he sighs in ultimate relief as they step out of the museum. Everyone around him looks equally as exhausted.  
The teacher announces she’ll be walking them to the city centre, where she’ll explain what’s next. 

After walking for 10 solid minutes, they find themselves standing at a shopping street. The busy street is lined with an abundance of branded stores and coffee shops, and Daehwi finds himself thirsting for something sweet like a frappucino. 

“Alright guys, I’ll give you four hours of free time. You’ll just have to be here at exactly 4 PM”, the teacher announces and happy cheers erupt amongst them. A smile creeps onto Daehwi’s face. 

“Alright you guys may be off now”, she dismisses. As soon as she does, everyone flies to each their corner, and Daehwi lacks the chance to catch his dear friends. They’re already gone off to somewhere else, and he can’t help but sigh to himself.  
He’s left here with Mrs. Williams, their teacher, and there is absolutely no way he is gonna spend four hours of free time in a big city with Mrs. Williams.  
He sighs in defeat and turns around. All he sees though is Samuel, eyeing him curiously. Okay, so he was left here with Mrs. Williams and Samuel. 

In some weird way, Daehwi feels relief. Maybe Samuel was open to the idea, of them doing something nice for four hours?

“Uh.. All my friends are gone, so I was wondering if you’d wanna go with me?”, he asks. Daehwi eagerly nods. He has never been this unlucky but lucky at the same time. 

“Sure.. uh, what do you wanna do?”, Daehwi asks. He can’t help but feel awkward.  
“I was thinking we could go to like a coffee shop or something?”, he says, his way of speaking coming off as a question.  
Daehwi smiles. Apparently they think alike then. 

“Sure, let’s go”, he says. They walk side by side to the Starbucks a little further down the road.  
They enter the shop and they’re met by the smell of coffee and a warmth that is very different to that of outside. They both sigh in relief.  
They order their drinks and they find a vacant seat. 

The first minute has to be the most awkward thing that Daehwi has ever experienced. This is not one of their parents’ get togethers where they are practically forced together. They had brought this upon themselves.  
Surprisingly, Daehwi is the one who speaks up first.

“I’m sorry I fell asleep like that on you in the bus”, he says with a little chuckle. His words make Samuel laugh softly.  
“Don’t be. It happens”, he says smiling. Even though he receives this assurance, Daehwi’s cheeks turn a deep red, as he carefully sips his strawberry beverage.  
They sit there for a while in silence. Daehwi has a hard time figuring out, if the silence is comfortable or just plain awkward. 

He takes another sip of the drink, looking at Samuel carefully. The younger boy is looking back, not knowing where to put his eyes. 

“You have..uh.. a little something right there”, Samuel says and points to Daehwi’s lips. Daehwi quickly brings a finger to his lips to wipe it away, but the pink substance is still at the corner of his mouth.  
“Uh, no.. there”, Samuel says as Daehwi seems to lack the ability to find it. He once again tries to wipe it away, but he fails.  
Sooner or later Samuel finds himself reaching over the table to Daehwi, who is more or less frustratingly trying to get the substance away from his face. Samuel’s fingers find their way to the corner of his mouth, and he easily wipes away the sickly sweet excess on his mouth. 

Daehwi turns deeply red and Samuel can’t do anything but notice. 

“Why.. why’d you do that?”, Daehwi asks flustered.  
“It was frustrating to watch”, Samuel says laughing. Daehwi can’t help but chuckle nervously.

“Thanks.. I guess”, Daehwi says not really being able to shake the awkward air around them. Samuel decides to relieve the tension by speaking up. 

“Uh, so what do you do for fun?”, he asks looking at Daehwi carefully. He smiles.  
“I sing a bit.. and I’m into producing”, Daehwi answers. Samuel’s smile widens.  
“Really? That’s so cool! I dance and sing, but.. the fact that you produce, is kinda cool”, he goes excitedly. 

“You think it’s cool?”, Daehwi asks with a chuckle.  
“Why wouldn’t I think that?”, he asks taking a sip of his drink.  
“It’s just.. I get made fun of a lot because of it. By now, I think you know how it is”, Daehwi says, making sure to humble himself.

“Why would anyone make fun of you?”, the younger asks. Somehow, a very different feeling has settled over the two boys. It’s no longer awkward, but somewhat deep. 

“You know, ever since they found out I was.. gay and stuff, they found every little reason to make fun of me”, Daehwi says. He takes a sip of his drink. It’s no longer sweet tasting, but somehow it has become bitter.

“That still doesn’t make sense”, Samuel says. His eyes scan Daehwi carefully. No answer comes from Daehwi, who is now looking more sad than happy.  
“I’d love to hear your music one day. I’m sure there’s nothing to make fun of”, he says and sends Daehwi a reassuring smile. He tries his best sending one back.

A quiet atmosphere dawns upon them once again. This time Daehwi decides to look at his phone. He scrolls through his Twitter, but doesn’t find much besides the usual drama. He’s just about to put his phone away, when he sees Alex’ Twitter account name with a picture attached. 

The picture makes him want to scream. Scream at Alex at how much of an idiot she is.  
“Fuck, Alex, you didn’t just do that”, he says to himself, really hoping that Samuel doesn’t notice. 

But of course he does. Samuel always notices.

“What’s up”, he asks, furrowing his eyebrows. Daehwi sighs.  
“It’s just my friend.. She’s being an idiot”, he says. His words only seem to make Samuel even more curious. 

“What, let me see”, Samuel says and is already climbing to the other side of the table, to look at the phone with him. Daehwi tries his best to hide the phone, but Samuel is not having it.  
He’s easily stronger than the older boy, so he gets the phone out of his grasp, and turns the screen so that he can get a good look at, what Daehwi has been cursing at.  
Samuel immediately realizes why.  
It’s a picture of the two boys. The picture from the bus that Alex had been proudly showing off to Daehwi and her friends before they left for the city centre.  
_

It’s embarrassing, Samuel thinks. Daehwi is nice and all, but he does not need this. He doesn’t need a picture of him and another boy snuggling up to each other, one of them being gay. He doesn’t need anyone thinking he’s gay. He’s perfectly straight, and actually has a crush on a girl from his science class.  
His friends can confirm this. 

It has been less than a week, and Samuel is already fearing school after this trip.

They finish up at the coffee shop, and they walk out together. 

He wonders why, he had no problem touching Daehwi like that back in the coffee shop. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that, he knew nobody would be able to see them. Nobody would be able to spread any rumors. It really couldn’t be misunderstood by other people.  
Only by the two of them, which irks Samuel. Maybe Daehwi has misunderstood, and maybe he thinks that he’s interested in him?  
This really isn’t the case, so Samuel tries to keep his distance.

(As much as he doesn’t want to)

In no way does he want to come off as rude, but he feels the evident gap there is between them as they walk the streets of Portland city centre.  
They’re talking about their interests, and somehow they find themselves wandering around for an hour or two, before realizing they better get back to where they’re supposed to meet. There is something obviously bothering Daehwi, but he simply tells Samuel he’s not interested in speaking of it. 

They get to the group, finding that they’re the last ones to arrive, drawing some extra attention to the fact that they had spent four hours together.  
Samuel quickly finds his way to his friends’ sides as they snicker at him.  
Daehwi stays in place, not wanting to have to face Alex or any of his other friends right now.  
_

They’re back at the cabin. Daehwi had been somehow excited about this trip, but it really seems to have gone down the drain now. Having no one to talk to, he decides to leave the common room, going to the sleeping halls. He enters the boys’ sleeping hall, not ready for what he’s about to see. 

He really just wants to go to his designated mattress and lie down, but these dreams seems to have been shattered as he sees a crowd of boys gathered around his mattress.  
He can’t see what they’re doing until he reaches it. 

He wants to scream at what he’s seeing happening in front of him.  
“What the fuck are you doing?”, he asks as Matthew takes out a tube of foundation from Daehwi’s makeup bag. He squeezes the contents onto the mattress and onto all of Daehwi’s clothes that have been spread around the area. He leaps at the Matthew who is much taller and stronger than him.  
Expectedly, Matthew only budges slightly and laughs nearly manically, as he keeps pouring the substance all over the clothes. 

None of the people around them are doing anything the actively stop him. Not even Samuel who is standing with William, Jackson and Marcus watching casually. Jackson even wears a slight smirk. 

“Yo, dude that’s enough”, someone in the small crowd says and tries to reach for Matthew. Matthew is quick though, and quickly reaches for a new product in the makeup bag.  
This time it’s a black eyeliner, and the evil laughter from Matthew keeps erupting from his mouth.  
He somehow pins Daehwi to them wall, and starts drawing on his face. His drawings include dicks, profanity and demeaning swear words that he has never dreamt of having on his face. 

As the word fag is nicely displayed on his forehead, Matthew breaks the eyeliner pencil in half and goes for another product in the bag. This time it’s a lotion and Daehwi wants to break down crying as it is all poured to the mattress in a goop. That lotion really is the only reason Daehwi isn’t a complete acne-filled mess. 

And it’s $70. That’s the worst part of it. 

Someone seems to have gotten a hold of Matthew and is pulling him away. The crowd around him dissolves.  
If Matthew’s mission has been to make Daehwi cry, he has almost succeeded. 

Almost.

He kneels before the mess on his bed. All of his clothes besides the ones he’s wearing are ruined. He checks his makeup bag for the remover, but he scoffs as he finds Matthew had already been pouring it out before he came.  
His expensive ass foundation, his eyeliner, lotion, his fucking everything had been ruined. No mercy had been cast upon Daehwi. The more he thinks about it, he wants to cry.  
He wants to cry like the little gay boy he is.  
He wants to cry at how pathetic is, with the word fag written across his forehead, ultimately stamping him as different.  
This whole happening of Matthew doing this, has really shown how he’ll never be like them. They don’t want him. They don’t want his snappy remarks. They don’t want his sassy walk. They don’t realize that he is more than just those things. Oh God, they don’t want him. 

For the first time in a while, Daehwi just wishes he could be normal. That he could find a nice girl, who could make up for the love he can’t give back. He wishes he could just like girls, and not be like he is. Maybe then, his mother would be happy about having him around guests. 

He doesn’t want anyone to be afraid of being his friend. Especially not Samuel, but how can he not be after this?  
Ultimately, this was going to happen to anyone who got close to him. He’s sure of it.

He doesn’t want to be crying.  
But he is. 

Silently sobbing as he fails to realize everyone else has been called down for dinner, he is left alone in the sleeping halls.  
_

The next day had been spent with going to an indoor waterpark. Daehwi’s swimwear had been ruined by the makeup, so he stays on the side, watching everybody else’s fun.

This trip has been the worst he has every been on. He wants to scream at everyone and everything. But he can’t. There’s something holding him back. He can’t quite put a finger on it. 

They’re on their way home now. He’s sitting with Justine, who’s sharing her music with him. He can’t help but frown the whole way, watching as the sun sets steadily.  
He tells Justine about how the picture of him and Samuel had triggered various events. Daehwi was really fearing everything. And it was all because of that picture. 

Justine nods in understanding. She understands why Daehwi’s mad at Alex, and promises she’ll talk to Alex about it.  
The five hours in the bus pass. They don’t pass quickly nor do they pass slowly. They just pass.  
They pass as he feels Samuel’s eyes on him from the crook of his eye. Maybe it’s the black smudge from the waterproof eyeliner on his forehead that he so desperately has tried to remove. Maybe it’s the pathetic look in his eyes, as Daehwi stares blankly into the seat before him. 

It’s most likely both. 

 

Daehwi starts to recognize his surroundings. Their bus pulls into the school parking lot at a little past midnight. All of the students are tiredly walking out of the bus as their teacher dismisses them. 

A lot of parents are here to pick up their tired teenagers, but Daehwi finds his mother nowhere. It’s whatever though. It’s not like Daehwi can’t make the 10 minute walk home alone.  
He goes to get his bags from the bus, before starting to leave the school area. He watches the night sky to himself, stars spread over the black sky perfectly.  
In Seoul, Daehwi could never see the stars. But in Winston, Oregon, it was like they were right at his fingertips. 

He’s walking in his own thoughts as he feels someone join his side. He looks over and sees Samuel. Of course it had to be Samuel. It’s always Samuel.  
He’s keeping his eyes at the ground. Daehwi doesn’t expect him to speak up.  
“I’m really sorry, Daehwi”, he says. His voice is smaller than normally. Daehwi can tell that he means it. 

“Sorry for what?”, he asks, trying to make his voice as unemotional as possible. “Sorry for not stepping in with Matthew.. he was being way too much”, Samuel says. 

“But why didn’t you then? Matthew doing that to me, has got to be the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever experienced”, Daehwi says. There’s a laugh in his voice. It’s not happy. It’s filled with bitterness.

“With the picture and all, I just didn’t want to-”, Samuel begins. He is cut off by Daehwi.  
“You didn’t want people thinking you were gay?”, Daehwi snaps, ultimately cutting off Samuel’s sentence.  
It does silence him. He has no clue what to do or say, so he just sighs. Daehwi gets to his house and walks up to the door. 

“See you on Monday, Daehwi”, Samuel says. He is coldly ignored as Daehwi makes his way inside. He is greeted by his mom sitting in the living room. The boy is quick to go up his stairs and as he closes the door to his room, he can hear the familiar sound of his mother walking up the stairs. Only a few seconds later, a knock is heard on the door. 

“Come in”, Daehwi says. He’s sitting on his bed.

“I heard what happened on your trip”, she says and sits down next to her son on the bed.  
“Darling, I want you to know that if something like this ever happens again, you should come to me immediately. I can’t have this happen. Not to my own son”, she says cupping Daehwi’s face as the tears silently fall from the boy’s cheeks. Daehwi nods, leaning his head on his mother’s chest. 

He feels like he’s seven once again. This time, he has just overgrown his mother, her frame much smaller compared to Daehwi’s.  
They sit there for a while. Daehwi realizes how lucky he is to have someone like her in his life.  
_

Their teacher comes in walking with a large cardboard box, and the students’ attentions are instantly pointed to their physics teacher. 

“As you guys know, we have gotten some new data loggers, and we’re gonna test them out!”, Mr. Jefferson announces.  
He brings out a box with various electronic devices, all of which are foreign to Daehwi. 

“First of all, we need two people to go inside the box, and since I won’t dare to put a boy and girl in there, we’ll have two of the same gender in there”, he says.  
“Any volunteers?”, Mr. Jefferson asks. There is a lack of enthusiasm for the cardboard box experiment. 

“I think Daehwi and Samuel should go”, Matthew announces, his deep voice booming through the classroom. Laughter explodes across the classroom. Mr. Jefferson who is nowhere near being in on the joke, agrees. 

“Samuel and Daehwi it is then”, he says signals for the two of them to come up to the front of the class. He lifts up the big box and the two boys get in there. 

The box is big, but it’s still a tight fit for the two boys.  
Daehwi can’t concentrate on anything but the way that their legs are pressing against each others, and how he can see Samuel’s face even in the pitch darkness. 

One of the loggers is put into the dark chamber, but it’s almost as if Daehwi has no time to even react to that.  
The two boys look at each other, and Samuel smiles at him. His smile is sweet, and makes Daehwi’s stomach to strange things. 

“Well if this isn’t nice and hot”, Samuel says in a low voice, wiping his forehead free of sweat. It’s to no avail though, as the temperature keeps rising. 

“Ditto that”, Daehwi says and puffs out and wipes his forehead. He feels himself becoming light headed. 

“I’m kinda dizzy”, Daehwi says swaying slightly. Samuel looks at him, obviously a bit worried. He places a hand on his shoulder.  
Daehwi can only slightly hear what’s happening outside of the box. Something about rising temperature, rising carbon dioxide levels and falling oxygen levels.  
Sooner or later, he can feel it on his body.

It feels like something hits his head, bringing a dulling pain to everywhere above his shoulders. Even Samuel’s face disappears. 

Samuel just catches Daehwi as he goes limp, falling over to land on his shoulder.  
“Daehwi”, Samuel Samuel calls, slapping his face to get a reaction. There’s nothing. He tries calling his name once again, but as expected, nothing happens as the boy falls limp against his shoulder.

“Please help! Daehwi has fainted!”, Samuel yells and in a matter of seconds the box is pulled off of them. The comparatively cold air hits him instantly as he tries his best to keep Daehwi upright.  
Justine is quickly up from her seat and is helping him with standing upright.  
“Please take him to the nurse’s office”, Mr. Jefferson says. The two students walk with Daehwi to the office. He’s still not very conscious. 

The nurse get them to put him in one of the beds, as she quickly leaves before coming back shortly after. She checks his pulse just as a routine check. She calms the two friends down, by explaining that because of lack of fluid and food taken in that day, the loss of oxygen in the atmosphere had been too harsh on him. 

Samuel slumps into the chair, recollecting himself. As he is sitting there, he realizes how afraid he had been. Daehwi and him may not be super close, but there was something kicking him to do whatever at his might to make sure nothing serious happened to Daehwi.

He can feel Justine’s eyes on him. 

“Thank you for helping out”, Samuel says smiling at Justine. I light pink tint spreads across her cheeks.  
“Don’t thank me. I just did what I had to do as a friend”, she says and smiles back.  
They both watch as Daehwi is lying peacefully on the bed. The nurse had told them he’d wake up soon.  
They sit together in silence. That is, until Justine speaks up. 

“Listen, Samuel.. Please don’t hurt him”, Justine says her eyes boring into his. For some reason, the boy feels something hitting him inside. He thinks it has something to do with the thing, he witnessed on their trip to Portland. 

Samuel bites his lip, nodding. 

“Daehwi… he really likes you”, Justine says hesitatingly. 

What?

“Likes me… What exactly do you mean by that?”, Samuel asks. He is puzzled, because for some reason he has trouble understanding the words that one of Daehwi’s best friends are speaking. 

“He likes you, you idiot. So if you’re not planning to be honest with him, then I suggest you leave him. My friends and I can’t handle seeing Daehwi sad”, Justine says and points her look back to the sleeping boy on the bed. 

Samuel finds himself slumping further into the chair, nervously staring ahead. He fears that the worst has happened.  
Has he really lead the pretty boy on? Has he been honest to him?  
Has he been honest to himself?

No, he doesn’t like him like that. He can’t. 

(But as he’s sitting here with Justine, he can’t help but stare at the older boy, slowly coming to his senses. He fears he’s no longer at the shallow end of the pool. As he keeps drifting towards the deep end, his feet can no longer touch the bottom of the pool. It’s too deep for his feet to reach and Samuel can’t swim)  
_

Daehwi’s head is pounding. His mother had been so nice to come and pick him up. Samuel and Justine follows him out, making sure he’s all set. They even wait for Daehwi’s mom to pull up in the car. They both give him a hug and a pat on the shoulder before Daehwi gets in the car with his mom.

“Honey..”, she coos, bringing over a hand to feel his forehead.  
“I’m alright mom. I just need some rest”, Daehwi tells her in Korean, instantly bettering her mood a bit.  
She smiles at him before starting to drive the short drive home.

“So, I see Samuel followed you out”, his mother continues in Korean.  
“So?”, Daehwi asks, throwing her a bit of attitude. This doesn’t fall very well with his mother, but she chooses to ignore it.  
“He’s pretty cute…”.  
“Mom, he’s not gay”, Daehwi says deadpanning.  
“There’s still a possibility”, she says optimistically. Daehwi is having none of it. Luckily they arrive at the front of the house and Daehwi gets out of the car, slumping inside and up the stairs.  
He lies down and ends up sleeping the rest of his day away, until he hours later hears his mother’s call for dinner.  
_

The next day goes by relatively quickly. Daehwi finds that in no time, he’s making his way back home up the familiar path that goes slightly uphill. When he gets home he greets his mom and his brother who is sitting by the kitchen table drawing something. Daehwi joins him and pulls out his textbooks to do some homework. 

“We’re going to the Kim’s for dinner tonight”, Daehwi’s mom says from the living room where a cheesy soap is displayed on the tv. 

Daehwi’s breath stills and he looks at his younger brother who is seemingly unbothered. Daehwi is anything but that, and before he knows of it, he has spent two hours and their mother is telling them to get ready to leave for the house that takes one minute of walk to get to. 

Daehwi puts his stuff away and goes to the entrance to put on his shoes. The three of them walk to the house. The walk is not even a minute long. One second is a whole lot more probable, Daehwi thinks. 

For the single minute they walk, he wonders what Samuel might say to him. The interaction today at school had been really dry. A few glances between them had been exchanged, but Samuel had spoken to him surprisingly little, compared to what had happened the day before.  
Maybe he was expecting too much. Maybe Samuel was just being nice to him. 

He most likely just was. 

They get to the front of the house. It doesn’t look too different from theirs. It was built in the same style, but the difference between the two houses are evident.  
His mother does the honor of knocking the door, and shortly after Samuel’s mother opens the door. She warmly greets all of them. Behind her is Samuel, dressed the same as when they were at school. 

Samuel smiles at Daehwi warmly. The older boy smiles back, thus a bit confused. Samuel’s mother tells them it’ll be a while before they eat, so they both walk upstairs. Samuel kindly invites Daehwi to his room.  
He would’ve been more flattered if Samuel hadn’t practically been forced to do this. 

Samuel’s room is really nice. It’s a typical teenagers room but surprisingly less messy. In the corner of the room is a double-sized bed. Loads of pictures are decorating the walls surrounding the bed, and Daehwi allows himself to look at all the pictures.  
There’s a picture of Samuel and what Daehwi assumes to be his old classmates. Samuel look so happy, and there’s something different about his smile. 

“Those were my friends back in LA”, he says, the fondness in his voice evident.  
“Do you miss them?”, Daehwi asks. It’s a stupid question to ask, really, but Daehwi can’t help but wanting to keep the smile on Samuel’s face.

“Everyday”, he says smiling. “But I’m happy that I’ve found such good friends here”, he says and sits down on the double-sized bed.  
He pats at the seat next to him and Daehwi plants his behind on the soft bed.  
It’s quiet in the room, before Samuel goes to his desk and gets his phone and a pair of earbuds. 

“Do you want to listen to some music?”, he asks.  
“Sure”, Daehwi says and stuffs one of the buds into his ear. Soft, muted tones start playing in their ears and Daehwi smiles himself. 

“What’s this song called?”, Daehwi asks.  
“It’s called ‘affection’, by some dude called Jinsang”, Samuel says. They sway to the beat of the music. 

“It’s nice. It reminds me of Seoul and rainy days”, the older boy goes. This makes Samuel head turn to face Daehwi. There’s a huge grin on his face. 

“I was thinking the same exact thing”, Samuel says. This makes Daehwi’s head turn, a smile painted on his face and suddenly, the two boys are sitting face to face, dangerously close. Samuel’s grin turns to that of wonder, as his eyes make their way from the older boys to his nose. And then to his mouth. 

Samuel has never considered that before now. He’s right in front of him, and this sure is better than having to avoid the boy. 

He leans in slowly, and he catches Daehwi’s eyes in the process. He looks at him a bit unsurely, before he also starts leaning in. 

The moment their lips touch, Samuel forgets everything about homework, his three friends at school and a certain girl from his chemistry class. 

When they pull away, Daehwi’s cheeks are a deep red. So are Samuel’s.  
Daehwi looks him into the eyes, trying to collect himself. Because he really can’t. 

His emotions are absolutely everywhere, and he almost can’t believe that what has happened, actually has happened. It wasn’t even him who had initiated it. It had been Samuel and his nervous eyes scanning his face. 

They both stay suffocatingly silent as they both look at each other. The only sounds they can hear are coming from the earbud that is playing some random chillhop. 

“Why… why did you do that?”, Daehwi asks carefully, trying to look for something in Samuel’s eyes. Daehwi finds him impossible to read.

“I just… felt like it. It felt… natural”, Samuel says, trying his best not to trip over his words.  
“I liked it”, Daehwi goes, playing with some loose skin at his fingertip. Samuel nods.  
“Yeah, me too”, Samuel says and looks at Daehwi. Their eyes meet again, and almost as if it was bound to happen, they kiss again.  
This time, Samuel’s hand goes to the back of Daehwi’s head, his fingers combing through his deep brown locks. They pull away after a bit, and a smile blooms on Daehwi’s face. 

“God… this is so embarrassing”, he says and covers up his cheeks, in which are burning.  
“Why is it embarrassing?”, Samuel asks chuckling.  
“I’ve never kissed anyone before this”, Daehwi confesses. Samuel looks puzzled.  
“Really? I couldn’t tell”, the younger boy reassures. The two boys don’t get much more time before Samuel’s mother is calling from downstairs.  
_

They eat their dinner together, happily chatting with one another. The adults are having their talk, while Daehwi and Samuel are having the time of their lives, having laughing fits from every possible thing. 

Daehwi is happy that the kiss didn’t affect them negatively. If anything, it had made things better somehow. They had never laughed like this before. 

After finishing up, they help Samuel’s parents with the dishes, before they leave for Samuel’s room once again.  
They sit on the bed, leaning against the wall. Daehwi allows himself to rest his head on the boy’s shoulder. 

“You can stay the night if you want”, Samuel says. Daehwi smiles.  
“Would that be okay with your parents?”, Daehwi asks. Samuel chuckles.  
“Why wouldn’t that be okay? My parents really like you”, he says and strokes his shoulder softly.  
“Sometimes they even tell me I should be more like you”. 

Daehwi sits upright.

“Uh, honey, that’s not a good thing”, Daehwi says, his voice made to sound sassy. Samuel simply smiles at his remark.  
“I think it is”, he goes before laying down on the bed. Daehwi looks at Samuel slightly puzzled. Is he really saying what he thinks he is?

A little later Daehwi’s mom knocks on the door. Daehwi kindly explains to her that he’ll be staying the night. The words are met with no resistance, and shortly after making sure that Daehwi has everything he needs, she leaves. This leaves the two boys alone in the room. 

“I like your mom”, Samuel says. Daehwi simply chuckles, his eyes once again meeting Samuel’s. 

They both lay down in Samuel’s bed, with their somehow intertwined hands. His hand is slightly bigger than Daehwi’s and even though the feeling is so new, it feels so familiar. It feels so much like home. 

They fall asleep like this, not bothering to undress and put on something else.  
_

They wake up from an alarm booming at the other side of the room. Daehwi can feel something warm against his back, and he smiles with his eyes shut, as he realizes what and who it is. The warmth leaves him though, as it leaves to go and turn off the alarm at the other side of the room. 

“G’morning”, Samuel says, his voice husky and tired. He rubs his eyes.  
“Morning”, says Daehwi, equally as exhausted. Daehwi sits up in the bed and gets to the edge of the bed. 

“Do you want to borrow something to wear?”, Samuel asks going to a closet at the corner of his room.  
Daehwi tiredly lifts the hem of his shirt to his nose, smelling the insides of his shirt. He makes a face before answering Samuel. 

“Uh, yeah”, Daehwi says. Few moments later, a grey sweatshirt lands on his head.  
“Gee, thanks”, he says monotonically, making Samuel giggle. Daehwi takes another look at the shirt. It’s a grey Thrasher hoodie, he has seen him wear before and for some reason it makes him laugh.

“Why are you laughing?”, Samuel asks as he pulls a shirt over his head.  
“I’m just imagining those skater-dudes at school”, he says chuckling before changing from the shirt he is wearing into the hoodie.  
Daehwi gets up from the bed and gets into a squatting position in the floor. Samuel eyes him curiously. The older boy makes the ‘vapenation’ sign with his hands. 

“Sup bruh”, Daehwi says, making his voice deeper and more hoarse.  
It makes Samuel burst into a bright laughter. He watches as Daehwi keeps the pose for several moments before standing up to face Samuel. 

“You’re so strange”, Samuel says, the leftovers of his laughter, still lingering in the tone of his voice.  
“Thanks dude”, Daehwi then goes on to say, resulting in Samuel hitting his shoulder. 

Their stomachs start rumbling and they both agree to go eat something.  
_

Daehwi had expected this. The stares of people were lingering even as they left each other’s sides to leave for class.  
Before they know of it, the rumors are stirring up between them, and the pictures that Alex had posted from the trip does not help at all. It only backs up all the evidence they already have.  
Daehwi feel bad for Samuel for having to endure this. 

“Haven’t you been hanging with Dae..Daehwi a lot lately?”, Marcus asks, still struggling with the older boy’s name.  
“I mean… Our parents are friends, so I just go to his house a lot”, Samuel answers. It’s not a lie, but it’s not quite the truth either. He leaves out the part where he says he really likes him. 

The boys are quiet, for a while until Jackson speaks up.  
“We don’t have a problem with you hanging out with him, but it hurts your reputation. Everyone thinks you’re gay and stuff now”, Jackson says. The words make Samuel frown on the inside.  
“I’m just his friend. I’m not gonna stop hanging out with him, just because people are stupid”. 

That day is filled with half-lies and Samuel pretending the words of his friends don’t hurt him.  
_

Daehwi doesn’t say a word about the kiss to his friends. He doesn’t dare to.  
He’s sitting with the three girls at lunch. Tensions between him and Alex had been lost and they were laughing and talking like usual. 

“Daehwi, I’ve never seen you wear that shirt before”, Tiffany says. Daehwi looks down. Oh yeah. He had forgotten about the Thrasher shirt. It makes him smile and laugh, and feel all sorts of wonderful things on the inside.  
He finds that it also smells like him. 

“I just got it”, he lies. His friends don’t seem to believe it, but they let it pass. He can feel Justine’s searching eyes on him. He ignores her and keeps eating. 

He feels a tap on his shoulder and he whips his head around to face the person.  
It’s Samuel, in all his glory smiling at the small group of friends. 

“Dae, I was wondering if you could help me with some homework after school”, he says. The nickname had always been something that his close friends had called him. To hear it coming from Samuel’s mouth makes him all warm and fuzzy on the inside. 

“Of course. At my place?”, Daehwi asks. Samuel nods and smiles before waving goodbye and going back to his friends’ table. 

Daehwi’s friends are looking at him wondrously.  
“What’s.. that about?”, Justine asks.  
“We’ve just started hanging out some more. What, is that jealousy I hear?”, Daehwi asks bringing a hand to his ear. 

“I’m over him. I’ve found someone new”, Justine asks. Daehwi looks at her, genuine surprise painted on his face. The other friends look at her equally as surprised.  
“Who?”, Tiffany asks. 

“There’s this guy in my karate class”, Justine says looking down into her food. Wolf-whistles and other obscene noises emit from the small group of friends, making the people around them look. 

“Get it Justine”, Alex says before going back to her food. 

It feels good to be with all of them once again.  
_

On their way back to Daehwi’s house, Samuel slips his hand into Daehwi’s. It’s a fairly innocent move, but little does he know that it makes him go crazy. Daehwi knows why he does it. The road they walk back home, rarely have anyone but them on them, so it’s safe. 

“I like this”, Daehwi goes. Samuel makes a sound of agreement.  
They get to Daehwi’s house. He greets his mom in Korean before they both walk up the stairs.  
Daehwi opens the door to his room, slightly embarrassed. 

“Welcome to my, uh, humble abode”, Daehwi says and lets Samuel have a look. A soft laugh escapes from the younger boy’s mouth.  
He points to the poster on his wall.  
“Yeah, I like Twice, so what?”, Daehwi asks crosses his arms.  
“Nothing. It’s cute”, Samuel says. Daehwi scoffs, as he goes and sits down on the bed.  
“So, where’s the homework you needed help with?”, he asks, looking at Samuel who is still examining his room. 

“Oh… I don’t actually have any. That was just an excuse to come to your house and be with you”, Samuel says. He really thought this out, huh?  
A soft blush spreads across Daehwi’s cheeks. 

“You’re an idiot”, Daehwi says and slaps him playfully on the shoulder as he sits down with him.  
He leans his head on the older boy’s shoulder. He takes their hands and intertwines them. “Daehwi, I really like you”, he says, his voice low. Daehwi turns to look at him.  
“Are you sure this is just not some sick prank or something?”, Daehwi asks.  
“No… I’d never do something like that to you”, he says. Daehwi can tell he’s being honest.  
“Then… I really like you too”, he says. They look at each other. 

“I’d like to be with you… like, officially”, Samuel says. The words catch him off guard. It had only been a couple of days since their thing had been going on. 

“Are you sure?”, Daehwi asks.  
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure. Just not too sure about how public I wanna be about it”, he says. He takes Daehwi’s hand in his, carefully playing with his fingers. 

“Oh, I understand”, Daehwi says. He looks at Samuel carefully.  
“I’d like to try it out, and then I guess we’ll see what happens”, Daehwi says. He never expects himself to be this reluctant when it comes to Samuel. But he complies anyway. 

“Thank you Dae… I really like you”, he says before kissing him once again. 

Sure, it does hurt a little bit that they have to stay hidden, but Daehwi would pick that any day before not being with him at all.  
_

This goes on for a couple of weeks. It hurts Daehwi on the inside, and he can tell it also really hurts Samuel.

Samuel’s friends notice him being nowhere to be seen during the most of their break periods, but they figure he’s just out doing something. He is. 

Sometimes he spends his time in the music room with Daehwi. They do almost every break, knowing that no one really comes to these corners of school at break. 

The first time they stay in the music room together, they met there unintentionally. Daehwi had been sitting at the piano, playing soft tunes as Samuel had stepped in there.  
He smiles to himself and walks to him, wrapping his arms around him from the back. Daehwi halts in his steps, but continues as he hears the soft humming of his boyfriend. 

After the song, Samuel had kissed him softly, and it felt so good being able to do it there, knowing there was nothing at risk. That’s the reason they decided to meet there all the time. 

Today is no different. Daehwi is walking from his class, ready to meet with Samuel. As he’s walking, he notices the posters on the walls. 

Christmas Ball - December 21st, from 6 PM - 11 PM

He almost sighs as he sees the posters. He really wants to go and he really wants to go with Samuel.  
He decides he’ll ask him about it when they meet at the music classroom.  
When he gets there, it turns out Samuel is already there. And he’s not alone. 

“So this is what you’ve been leaving your bros for? The fucking music classroom?”, Marcus asks in a chuckle as he walks around at the different instruments, pressing random keys and buttons. Daehwi stays hidden at the door, listening to their conversation.

“What do you even do here? Jerk off, or some shit like that?”, Jackson asks.  
“What, no… I just play the piano sometimes”, Samuel says. William’s eyes narrow.  
“Are you sure you haven’t been with a certain person?”, William asks. Samuel looks at them, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. 

“Who’d that be?”, Samuel asks, trying to act like he doesn’t know who they’re talking about. Fun fact: Samuel is a bad actor. 

“Daehwi, you fucking idiot. Listen Sam, we just don’t really get why you’re always hanging out with him”, Marcus says pressing some random keys at the piano.  
“I’m not hanging with him. I’m only hanging with him sometimes, because our parents are friends. That’s all. What do you think I am? Gay?”, Samuel asks. 

Samuel isn’t such a bad actor after all, Daehwi thinks before quickly hiding behind a water cooler as the three boys walk out of the classroom, leaving Samuel behind. When Daehwi knows they’re gone, he comes out of hiding and walks into the classroom, where Samuel is looking downcast. 

“Hey…”, Daehwi says carefully. Samuel’s line of sight shoots up.  
“How much of that did you hear?”, he asks.  
“All of it, pretty much”, the older boy says. He walks up to him, taking one hand of his in his own. 

“Sam.. I’ve been thinking about something”, Daehwi says. Samuel looks at him.  
“There’s that christmas ball.. and I don’t have a date”. Samuel smiles at him and squeezes his hand. 

“I don’t know.. You know how it is Dae. I just don’t kn-”, Samuel says but he is cut off by Daehwi who accidentally slams his hand onto the keys of the piano.

“Come on, everyone already suspects it. It’s not like it’s gonna make anything better OR worse”, Daehwi says. Samuel sighs, but eventually he nods. He nods and it makes Daehwi squeal and pull him in for a quick kiss on the lips. 

It’s going to be alright.  
_

It’s not going to be alright. 

Daehwi is running around the house. His and Samuel’s corsages are nowhere to be found.  
He swears there are almost tears coming out of his eyes. Five minutes until Samuel was going to be at his door to pick him up, he has not been less ready than now. 

“Mom!”, he nearly screams through the house.  
“Where are the corsages?!”, he screams as he frantically runs through every room of his house.  
“On the kitchen table, honey!”, she yells back and Daehwi storms to the kitchen. She is right and he almost screams in relief. Just as he goes to grab flowers, the doorbell chimes through the house.  
He storms to the door, his mother following steadily behind him. He almost rips the door opens and almost jumps into Samuel’s arms as he sees him standing there in all his glory.  
He doesn’t though, but he is pulled into a warm hug and receives a kiss on the cheek, before he can hand over the corsages. 

He looks at Samuel, a smile plastered to his face.  
“You look… good”, he says, almost breathlessly.  
“I wish I could say the same for you…”, Samuel starts. Daehwi narrows his eyes at his words.  
“But you look amazing”, Samuel says with a smug smile and Daehwi swears he almost hit him at that moment. 

Samuel is wearing a dark red tuxedo. The corsages match perfectly with their outfits, and once again Daehwi almost squeals of excitement. His suit is black, but he’s wearing a dark red velvet choker to match with Samuel.  
And they really do. They look amazing and everything is perfect.  
Daehwi has never been happier. 

He hands the camera to his mom, who looks like she’s almost crying. She takes a bunch of pictures before she brings them in for a tight hug. 

“I’m so happy that things worked out for you guys.. Now, go have the time of your lives”, she says before drying away some tears. It sort of embarrasses Daehwi, but he does nothing but dry them for her. He kisses her cheek before they leave hand in hand for the party. 

The winter cold is biting them hard, and it really makes Daehwi wish he’d brought a jacket. Instead he cuddles up to Samuel who is freezing just as much.  
They get to the entrance of the school, where a small line is formed. People are handing their tickets and getting admittance. 

Their hands don’t leave each other any moment. Not even as Samuel is handing the tickets and not as they’re walking inside the extravagant party, people’s eyes on them. 

They hear the stupid laughter of Matthew and his small group of friends, but it’s so easy ignore when he has the feeling of his hands against his. 

They’re so caught up in their own world, that they don’t notice the stares of Daehwi’s three friends and their desperate attempts to come in contact with them. 

Samuel leads Daehwi to the dance floor, his hands going to Daehwi’s hips as they sway slowly to the music, their faces inching closer to each other. They look into one another’s eyes.  
In a moment, it’s like all sound in the room is muted. Everything except their breathing and the beating of their hearts. 

“Daehwi, I love you”, Samuel says. 

“Samuel I love you too”.  
_

[9.43 PM] Justine Smith: HOLY SHIT YOU’RE KISINGGDHJ  
[9.43 PM] Alex Johnson: WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US YOU WERE DATING?!!!!!!!!!!  
[9.44 PM] Tiffany Miller: DAE WHAT THE FUFKC  
[9.44 PM] Tiffany Miller: WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A SERIOUS TALK YOUNH MAN

Last read by: Daehwi Lee, 00.12 AM


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after a long wait, i've finished this. this might not live up to any expectations i might've build since it's kinda just some more angst to add to the story. read at your own risk,

Samuel and Daehwi mess up things.

_

Getting home that evening, walking hand in hand with Samuel, Daehwi hopes that everything will stay as great as it is at the moment. 

 

The sound of the crunching of their feet on the snow, resonates through the quiet streets of Winston, Oregon. It’s the only thing Daehwi can hear. 

 

That, and the still remaining tinnitus from the loud music from the party. 

They decide to go to Samuel’s house to stay for the night. The younger boy’s mom happily greets them, asking about their evening. Samuel talks to her eagerly, Daehwi standing somewhat in the background, watching his boyfriend fondly. 

 

She dismisses them and they walk up the stairs. Daehwi instantly crashes on Samuel’s bed, huffing out breaths. 

“I’m exhausted”, Daehwi goes, turning around to lie on his back. His makeup is slightly smudged and definitely not gone. He looks up at the ceiling, staring at a peculiar spot. His line of sight is broken by Samuel’s face. He feels the weight of his body on top of his, and their faces inches apart. He smiles at the older boy brightly, before his hands graze his sides. He pokes into Daehwi’s ribcage, making him screech and squirm.

 

It easily turns into a tickle fight, Samuel being just a bit stronger than Daehwi, managing to dominate the battle.

“S-stop!”, Daehwi manages to stutter out between the heavy laugh. 

“Never!”, Samuel says through a laugh and continues tickling him all over. Daehwi’s giggles seem to have no end, and even as the palm of his hand collides with Samuel’s cheek, he laughs. They abruptly stop and Samuel looks at him in surprise. 

 

“Dae…”, he says in awe as he holds his hand up to caress the now slightly red skin. 

“I’m sorry, Sam”, Daehwi says, caressing the red mark on his cheek lightly. A soft chuckle emits from Samuel, and he pecks his boyfriend quickly on the lips. 

 

“I’m gonna go clean my face”, Daehwi says, getting up from the bed and going to the bathroom that connects with the bedroom. 

As Daehwi tries to remove the makeup without makeup remover, he feels Samuel coming up to his side and taking out his toothbrush. 

Samuel is no longer wearing the nice tuxedo. He has changed into a tee and some shorts. In Daehwi’s opinion, making him look even better. 

 

The removing of the makeup doesn’t go as planned, and Daehwi finds himself looking more than a panda… than himself. He groans and a light chuckle escapes from Samuel. 

 

“Don’t worry.. You still look great”, he says with a chuckle. Daehwi pretends he’s not flattered. 

 

“No way I do”, he says rubbing his smudged eyeliner. “This is giving me war-flashbacks to that one time at the camp”, he says pouting. 

“At least we won’t be going to school for a couple of weeks”, Samuel says in an attempt to make the older boy happier. 

 

“I guess not”. 

_

 

After two weeks of passing time, Daehwi finds himself not nearly as worried about school as he did before. Surely, everyone would have forgotten about Samuel and him, right?

 

Right?

 

(No)

 

Daehwi makes his way down the halls for the first time in a while, going to his homeroom class. Easily he finds Justine, Tiffany and Alex lounging around in the couches outside of the classroom. 

 

“DAEHWI LEE!”, a loud and high voice booms through the halls. It’s Alex, of course, and she’s quickly up, hugging the life out of him. 

 

“I’ve missed you so much, my child”, she exclaims, pinching his cheeks. Daehwi scrunches up his face. 

“Get your cracker hands off me”, Daehwi says peeling off his fingers. He is met by two other obnoxiously close entities, looking at him awaiting. 

 

“What the hell do you want?”, Daehwi asks laughing. 

 

“You can’t just not see us for two weeks, and then not tell us  _ everything _ in immense detail about what  _ actually _ happened”, Tiffany goes, looking at him suspiciously. 

 

“I mean, unless you already broke up”, Justine says, earning a slap on the shoulder from Alex, and a little  _ ‘I thought you were over that already’. _

 

“We didn’t break up… I guess there’s just not a lot to say”, Daehwi says. The three friends narrow their eyes at him. 

 

“You’re such a liar”, Justine says laughing. 

 

They talk for a while, until a couple of arms wrapping themselves around Daehwi’s waist stops his stream of speech. 

_

 

Almost immediately he arrives at school, Samuel is pulled to the side by Jackson, him telling Samuel to follow him. They walk together towards their homeroom class. 

 

“So, I guess it’s true then. You dating Dae… David”, he goes, still struggling with the name. 

“Yeah, it’s true. Do… you have anything against it?”, Samuel asks. 

“Nah.. As long as you two don’t get all lovey-dovey in my face I’m alright”, he says. A small smile threatens to appear on Samuel’s face. 

They’re quiet for a while as they walk. 

 

“I just can’t believe you’d drop Emily for that. It’s fucking Emily, dude”, he says chuckling. Samuel can’t help but laugh. They don’t say anything further than that. They walk to the front of the class and he spots Daehwi speaking to his friends. He decides to hug him from behind. 

 

He snakes his arms around him, pressing his chin to his shoulder. Daehwi’s hands find their way to Samuel’s arms that are wrapped around his waist. He watches as the girls in front him swoon just a tiny bit. 

 

Daehwi peels Samuel’s hands off of him and turns around. 

His smile falters slightly at Daehwi’s reluctance. 

“Something wrong?”, Samuel asks. The older boy goes to sit down with his friends. 

 

“We’ll talk later”, Daehwi says and then proceeds to talk to his friends. 

_

 

“You haven’t talked to me all day”, Samuel says as he goes to grab Daehwi’s wrist as they walk out the main exit of the school. 

Subtly Daehwi gets out of Samuels grasp. 

 

“I’m afraid they’re gonna pick on me again”, Daehwi says as they walk.

“They won’t. I’ve talked to Jackson and he won’t do anything”, Samuel says, trying to reassure the older boy, who has distress painted on his face. 

 

“Jackson isn’t the problem. It’s Matthew and his stupid ass friends”, Daehwi says, frustration clear in his voice. His words shut Samuel up. 

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow”, Daehwi says as he reaches the house. 

“Can I come with inside?”, Samuel asks. He takes Daehwi’s hand. 

 

“I guess.” he goes as they walk inside together. Daehwi greets his mother on the way, and the two boys go to the room upstairs. 

Daehwi sits down, looking at Samuel. The younger boy sits himself next to him, leaning his head on his shoulder. 

“Won’t your dad wonder where you are?”, Daehwi asks looking straight. 

“Nah, we’ve been together everyday for the past two weeks. I think he can put two and two together”, Samuel says. He intertwines their fingers, a soft sigh getting past Daehwi’s lips. He looks over at Samuel, smiling slightly. 

 

They’re quiet for a while, and it seems as if they’re both drowning in the quiet atmosphere of the room. They both want to speak up, but they struggle to reach the surface allowing them to speak. 

 

Daehwi seems to find his way there first, gasping for air. He speaks up. 

 

“I’ve been thinking of dyeing my hair”, he goes looking over at Samuel. The younger boy can’t help but laugh. 

 

“What color?”, he asks through the laugh. 

 

“Purple-gray-ish”. 

 

“I think your black hair is the best”, he says, bringing a hand through the older boy’s hair. Daehwi closes his eyes at the impact of the hand, slowly but surely making its way through his hair. 

 

“I dunno about that”, Daehwi says blankly, but softly as he stares forward. 

There is something weird about the air of the room. Something is unusual. 

 

“Daehwi, is something wrong?”, Samuel asks softly as his way makes its way through Daehwi’s hair. 

 

“No”, Daehwi simply answers. Samuel knows it’s not true. 

 

_

 

The next day seems to prove just that everything is about wrong. 

 

Daehwi makes his way through the melting snow of Winston the chilly morning. He’s late for school and for some reason, he feels exhausted. He has done nothing that even is close to exercise. He suspects it’s because he has been thinking. Thinking and pondering until his mind can’t seem to keep up anymore. Until his stomach aches. 

 

He feels distant. Distant to the point that he hasn’t even realized he’s standing in front of the school, Matthew and his minions making their way towards him. 

With a sigh Daehwi turns his back to them, starting to make his way away from the approaching boys. He really has no time to deal with this right now. 

 

He hears their booming voices shout after him. Something heavy settles at the pit of Daehwi’s stomach as his steps become quicker, with the voices behind him becoming louder. 

 

He’s running. Running with all his might. 

 

He passes the field, and watches as a class is warming up for gym class. He knows Samuel is in that class and he spots him talking to Marcus as they do stretches. 

 

For some reason he finds himself hoping that Samuel doesn’t notice the group of boys chasing after him. 

“Fucking faggot!”, Matthew’s voice booms. Daehwi feels his heartbeat quickening and his breath getting stuck in his throat. Turning around a corner, he throws himself behind a trash container, praying to god. 

  
  


Daehwi shows up to class one and a half hour later. To his luck, Matthew has passed the container. 

He successfully calms himself down and gets up, his legs trembling. He has no idea how he musters the bravery to even go back to class. But he does. 

He feels Samuel’s eyes on him, but he tries his best not to give in and looks back. He feels embarrassed. His pants and shoes painted with dried mud from running through the grass and dirt on the field. The way he had just by an inch avoided getting the beating of his life. 

  
  


Lunchtime rolls around. He walks there, and he feels his three friends brushing up close to him as they walk. 

 

“Where were you?”, they ask, referring to the first classes at the start of the day. 

“Nowhere. I slept through my alarm”, Daehwi lies as they get to the lunch line. They’re serving the pale, tasteless chicken today. He inwardly groans as the chicken is placed onto his plate, accompanied with peas that look like they have been boiled for way too long. 

 

They sit down at an empty table. Daehwi looks down, silently chewing his food. 

“Something wrong, Dae?”, Justine asks, worry evident in her face. Daehwi looks up. Three pairs of eyes are pointed in his direction. 

 

“No. There’s nothing wrong”, he simply answers before going back to chewing away the dry chicken. He feels hands on his shoulders. 

 

“Oh, hey Samuel!”, Tiffany says, smiling at him. Samuel greets back before going down to place a kiss on Daehwi’s cheeks. 

He is pushed away, followed by a nervous laugh from Daehwi. 

 

“Can we talk?”, Daehwi asks. Samuel nods. “Music room?”, Samuel asks. Daehwi stands up and nods, leaving the tray with chicken and overdone peas half eaten. 

They’re both silent as they walk to the music classroom. Being the gentleman he is, Samuel pushes open the door for Daehwi, and the older boy can’t help but smile to himself slightly. 

Daehwi goes to sit down at the piano, watching as Samuel settles in front of him, looking at him nervously. 

 

“I’ve been thinking a lot”, Daehwi starts. A shaky breath escapes his lips. Samuel looks at him intently, waiting for some sort of continuation. 

 

“And I don’t think this is going to work out”, Daehwi says as he carefully eyes Samuel. He immediately sees the change of expression on Samuel. Something heavy settles in his stomach. 

 

“What do you mean? It’s been less than a month!”, Samuel says raising his voice slightly. “What could I possibly have done for you to think this isn’t working out?”, Samuel asks, sounding almost desperate. 

 

Daehwi swears he’s about to let the  _ ‘it’s not you, it’s me’,  _ excuse slip. He decides he has yet to reach that level. 

“Sam.. I still like you. I like you so damn much”, Daehwi says as he stands up to level himself with Samuel. 

 

“Then what is the problem?”, Samuel asks, his eyes widening in frustration. 

 

“I don’t want… to be scared that something is going to happen to you. Every time you’re late for class, I worry”, Daehwi says. 

“Breaking up with me won’t solve that problem”, Samuel says, instinctively reaching for Daehwi’s hand as they’re standing there, opposite of each other. Daehwi lets him and he intertwines his fingers with his. 

 

Daehwi let’s his shaky breath get the best of him as a single tear makes it way down his face.

“Please don’t let me be in pain like this”, Daehwi says looking up at Samuel’s slightly taller frame. Samuel bites his lip before bringing him in for a tight hug. Daehwi buries his face in his shoulder, soft sobbing muffled by the fabric of Samuel’s hoodie. 

 

“Just this morning, I was being chased by Matthew. He was never aggressive before we started dating”, Daehwi confesses into his shoulder. 

“H-he did that?”, Samuel asks, staring straight into thin air as he holds Daehwi close. Daehwi nods, sniffling. 

 

“I’m just scared that someday it’s gonna hurt you, Sam”. Daehwi pulls away from the hug and looks at Samuel. He motions an acknowledging nod. 

 

“Nobody says we actually have to break up”, Samuel says. Daehwi looks at him, puzzled. “We can just pretend we did”, Samuel says, the usual mischievous smile reappearing on his face. 

 

“How do we pretend?”, Daehwi asks, his voice hoarse from the crying. His hand is still in Samuel’s. 

 

“I’ll tell them how I’ve dumped you in some really mean way”, Samuel requests. Daehwi looks at him, not really sure what to say. 

 

He never ends up answering. He just kisses him softly.

 

Thinking about it, what could really go wrong?

_

 

“You haven’t been hanging with Daehwi lately”, Marcus says. The mention of his name makes the corners of his lips turn up slightly. 

They’re at lunch. Jackson, Marcus and William are sitting around with him.

 

“Oh yeah, I dumped him”, he says nonchalantly, taking another bite of his food. 

“You what?”, William asks, almost spitting out his food. He’s laughing. 

 

“He became annoying”, Samuel says and eats some more, his three friends staring at him with wide eyes.

“Shit, I never thought this day would come”, Marcus says. 

“You were all in love and shit”, Jackson says. 

 

“Nah, not really. It was all just an experiment, you see? I kinda wanted to see what it would be like to be with a boy and stuff, so I just kinda went ahead and got with him. He was thirsting for me anyway”, Samuel explains. He’s getting good at the whole lying thing. With it being easier than he thought, he also gets to taste the bitter taste in his mouth. He would  _ never  _ do anything like that to Daehwi. 

 

A little piece of him had hoped that they didn’t believe him. But they do. 

 

“Anyways, my parents are out of town tonight, so you know what that means”, Jackson exclaims pointing excitedly to his friends. 

Samuel knows he has no way around it. He had planned to ask for Daehwi to come to his house for the weekend, but those plans seems to have been dissolved now. 

 

Samuel puts on a fake excited facade, knowing he’ll have to spend the entire evening in place that doesn’t feel as comfortable as being in the arms of his boyfriend.

  
  


Later that day, Samuel finds himself at the the footstep of Jackson’s home. The house is big, and is situated just outside of Winston.

He rings the doorbell, and a few seconds after hearing it chime through the house, a happy looking Jackson opens the door.

 

“Aye, you made it!” he says before walking in with him. Jackson leads him through the entrance and into a living area. He is met by the sight of Marcus, William and a bunch of girls that he had seen around school. And Emily.

 

As much as he wants to deny it, his breath gets caught in his throat at the sight of her. He doesn’t want to admit it, but she is one of the most beautiful people he has laid his eyes on. For a single moment his breath gets caught in his throat. He doubts it goes unnoticed by the people having their eyes stuck on him. 

 

Awkwardly, Samuel manages to go down amongst the crowd. The chatter amongst the crowd resumes. Samuel can’t help but feel left out, as the conversation goes on in something he has no insight in. 

 

Samuel doesn’t notice Jackson getting up, leaving and then coming back with a couple of bottles of some high-percentage alcohol and the bass turned up on a shitty The Chainsmokers song. 

 

Samuel gulps as Jackson opens the first bottle with a cheer. He passes it around, watching intently as the voice boxes of his peers bob to the harsh liquids.

 

_ He so wishes he was Daehwi right now _ .

 

He zones out for a while, until there’s the feeling of a cold bottle placed gently against his skin. He jumps in slight surprise.

 

“Your turn”, Marcus says, a somewhat sinister smile across his face. Samuel backs away a bit. 

 

“I don’t know... I don’t drink”, Samuel says, hesitation dripping through his words. A few chuckles emit from the small crowd. 

 

“Come on, Sam. A little won’t hurt”, Jackson says, placing the half-empty bottle in the hands of Samuel. Looking at the people looking at him, he hesitantly brings the bottle to his lips. The residue of the alcohol at the opening of the bottle, burns his lips which only brings more hesitation to him. 

 

He decides down some anyway. 

 

It burns in a horrid way. He wants to puke as it quickly makes his way down his throat, reaching his stomach warming his whole body up. 

He has no time to think before he passes on the bottle, and twirly sensations begins to bloom inside of him. 

 

_ So this is what it’s like to be tipsy. Alright.  _

 

The bottles keep going on turn, and it reaches him twice before some additional bottles are added into the mix of what must be the most intoxicated peer-pressure Samuel has experienced. He finds himself drinking more and more frequently, as his body gets lighter and warmer, as everything seems to become funnier and as Emily becomes more and more beautiful. 

The way her long dark hair flows down, framing her torso perfectly. The way her bright smile seems to light up the whole room. She’s perfect, and that fact doesn’t seem to change to Samuel, no matter how many times he takes a swig of that disgustingly strong alcohol.

 

Jackson gets up, doing some weird dance. It makes the others follow suit, laughing at his antics.

 

Slender fingers wrap around his wrist, and he is pulled to his feet. He looks around, slightly confused and sees Emily dancing close to him, smiling dazed as she holds him close. As Samuel is lacking any form of common sense, he just cherishes the moment. The feeling of having Emily close to him, for once making him feel not afraid of any consequences his actions might have. 

 

Before he even gets to make sense of things, she pulls him closer, their heads inching closer to each other. 

 

And they kiss.

_

 

Music plays through the bluetooth speakers of Daehwi’s room, as he runs his fingers through Tiffany’s hair, doing little braids as she dozes off. At the other end of the room, Justine and Alex are laying around.

 

“It’s been awhile since we’ve hung out like this”, Alex says smiling to herself. 

 

“Sure is. It’s all because of Samuel”, Tiffany says chuckling. The slight smile on Daehwi’s face falters. He had almost forgotten about the fact that they had fake-broken up.

 

“Are you alright?”, Justine asks, her face instantly turning more serious. Daehwi stares straight ahead for a while, before turning his attention to her. 

 

“I wanna dye my hair”, he says blankly. The faces of his friends turn to confusion. 

“You what? You wanna dye your hair?”, Tiffany asks, dumbfounded. “What the hell happened to the Daehwi that was like  _ 'I don’t ever wanna dye my hair, 'cuz i gotta keep that shit healthy’? _ “, Alex asks, mocking his voice, looking as bewildered as the other two girls. 

 

“I don’t know.. I just kinda feel like some change would do me good right now”, he says looking at the three of them. 

“You do know we’ll have to bleach your hair, right? That shit is crass”, Justine says. 

 

“I honestly don’t care anymore”, Daehwi says, pushing some hair out of his forehead. The three bewildered girls in front of him exchange looks, before nodding to themselves. 

 

It’s gonna be good. 

_

 

It’s gonna be bad. 

 

Daehwi swears that walking into his room right now, would result to some sort of poisoning. The chemicals in the relatively small room that is Daehwi’s, cling heavily to the air. It stinks.

And, oh yeah, his scalp is also burning. 

 

It had been with great reluctance that Alex had started to put the substance into Daehwi’s hair, but as they’re sitting here, Daehwi promises himself not regret. Tiffany looks at the mess in front of her, sighing, as Justine walks to the connecting bathroom with plastic gloves soaked in chemicals. 

 

“Let’s get that poison outta’ your hair”, Alex says leading Daehwi towards the shower. Justine turns on the water. Tiffany watches. 

It’s a very classical setting, and anybody who knows the friend group just a tiny bit, knows that it’s always this way. 

Tiffany watches as the three other teenagers, well, they fuck shit up. 

 

“It hurts!” Daehwi screeches as the soft spray of water hits the expanse of his head. 

“Cry more”, Alex says as the bleach runs down the drain. 

 

After a couple of minutes all of the bleach is out. A wet, light mop of hair is tousled upon his head. They go back to the room, all sitting down on the bed. A slightly damp towel is on Daehwi’s shoulders. 

He sighs.

 

“I already regret this”, Daehwi says, his fingers touching the wet, blonde strands on top of his head. Tiffany is looking at her phone, as the other two girl make way for their hands through Daehwi’s newly dyed hair. They laugh as Daehwi lets out annoyed huffs.

 

“Uhhh…”

 

They look to Tiffany who is looking at her phone, looking more or less mortified. 

“What’s wrong?”, Daehwi asks, his head tilting slightly with the question. 

“I’m so sorry, Dae…”, Tiffany says as she hands Daehwi the phone. Daehwi holds the phone, extremely curious of the contents. On the screen is a Snapchat story. The video is dark, but it’s just bright enough for Daehwi to see the contents. Justine and Alex lean in to watch the screen as well, eyes widening and mouths gaping as the video plays on. Tiffany sits opposite of them, a sorry look on her face. 

 

Samuel is kissing Emily. Just like he would kiss Daehwi.

“Daehwi…”, Justine says, trailing slightly off as she places a hand on his shoulder. 

“Sam and I broke up”, Daehwi says looking up trying not frown. He keeps up a slight smile, and the expressions of the three friends freeze into shock. 

“That literally makes no sense”, Alex protests, standing up from the bed. She looks at Daehwi, but he can do nothing but look at her and send a slight smile her way. 

_

 

Daehwi spends the rest of the weekend alone, holed up in his room. His mom had given him the scolding of his life when she had seen his hair. 

 

_ It’s whatever _ , Daehwi thinks. He can’t seem to care about anything. 

The video of Samuel and Emily plays at a constant. When his eyes are open that is all he sees. When he closes his eyes it just enhances itself. 

 

It’s Monday. 

Daehwi really has been dreading this day. He gets up, his hand going through his hair, that could really use some coconut oil.

He skips the shower that morning. He skips breakfast and walks out into the cold to make his way to school. His mother looks after him, concern obviously covering his face. 

 

The snow is slowly starting to melt away, and Daehwi no longer feels like he’s a baby deer on ice while he’s walking on the sidewalk. 

 

He keeps in his earbuds as he enters the school. He spots Samuel standing at his locker. Talking to Emily. Of course. Daehwi walks past them, and he can feel Samuel’s eyes on him, before he turns his attention to Emily once again. 

Daehwi wants to scream. He walks to class, entering the empty classroom by himself, choosing one of the seats a little closer to the back of the class. He sits down, and takes his phone. As if on cue, a message from Samuel lands on Daehwi’s messenger app. He groans. 

 

_ ‘Let’s meet in the music classroom at lunch’ _

8.52 AM

 

_ ‘k’ _

Sent, Read 8.55 AM

 

Daehwi really had to think about going to meet Samuel. Did he really want this? Does he really want to talk to him right now? 

Daehwi is standing in the classroom now, so there’s no going back. In addition, even though mad, he was really curious to hear what Samuel has to say.

 

Samuel enters the classroom, unassuming little smile on his face. 

Daehwi is situated at the bench of the piano, staring at the hands between his legs. The mop of light hair falls down in front of his face, the tips of bleached locks covering the sight of Samuel’s Vans shoes. Daehwi looks up. There is Samuel, hands in his pockets, staring down at him. The way Samuel is looking down on him, is almost in a way demeaning. But he’s sure he doesn’t mean it like that.

 

“Your hair”, Samuel starts. There’s a chuckle in his voice. Daehwi looks down once again. Samuel steps closer to him as no response has come from Daehwi’s side. 

 

“What’s wrong? We haven’t spoken all weekend” Samuel asks. His fingers find their way to Daehwi’s chin. He tilts his head upwards, so that he can look at his face. His notion is met with instant protest.

“Get your hands off of me”, he says removing the hand that was once on his chin. He stands up to level himself with Samuel. 

“You think I don’t know what has happened?” Daehwi asks, raising his voice slightly. The unassuming smile on Samuel turns to that of a frown. 

 

He doesn’t say anything. The breath of his has been caught in his throat. It’s a scary sight. Daehwi with tears at the brim of his eyes. His hands balled up in to fists. Daehwi is small but powerful. 

Samuel doesn’t have the chance to open his mouth before Daehwi begins again.

 

“I never meant for you to take it this seriously”, Daehwi says. Samuel has opened his mouth, but Daehwi is already speaking again.

“I’d rather get beat up everyday than see the one I love being like  _ that _ with someone else”. The tears have unavoidably been set free, and are racing down his face, finger digging into his own chest as he passionately explains himself. 

 

“Listen, Daehwi, I’m so sorry. I don’t like her.. I was just drunk”, he says stepping closer to Daehwi. 

“Do you even know how stupid you sound? You didn’t even last a week before you pounced on someone else”, Daehwi says. 

 

“I don’t know what to say-”, Samuel says. 

 

“You either leave me alone and never talk to me, or you stay my boyfriend. Openly, no more pretending. These four days, or whatever, have been the most pathetic in my life, so end my fucking suffering”, Daehwi says, leaving Samuel’s eyes wide open.

 

“Of course”, he says, nodding while looking down.

“Of course, what?” Daehwi asks harshly.

 

“Of course we’ll stay boyfriends”.

-

_ [12:54 PM] Tiffany Miller: so yall made up orrrrrrrrrrrr _

_ [12:55 PM] Alex Johnson: if he hurt you again im gonna cut his ding dong off _

_ [12:55 PM] Justine Smith: so samhwi is back…. whens the wedding my children? _

 

_ Last read by Daehwi Lee, 12:57 PM _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey you guys! i'm sorry for being so slow at updating this but it's finally done. i hope you guys enjoyed this story! stay healthy everyone.


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